This is my first legitimate post in quite some time. I felt the urge to write again today, and I often do…but I’ve been ignoring it in favor of more shallow pursuits. This is something that has happened to me over time, mostly due to the isolated nature of my job. The general lack of social activity has caused me to neglect my voice a bit. I’m finding that when I do write, I express frustration and hopelessness more than any other emotion–towards the general state of the world around me, in which I barely even participate.
But that isn’t really reflective of the present. This past year has been a milestone. My wife and I moved to Oregon, driving the entire 2,500 miles from our former home of Athens, Georgia, which will always be a special place for both of us. We had never driven across the country, and thankfully, our cars made it with little more than a leaky tire. And one of my takeaways was that the states I appreciated the most were the ones about which I previously had the lowest opinions, Nebraska and Wyoming being my two favorites. The physical space, or the endless mass of mountains in front of me on the interstate, made me feel small. It made me feel like nothing else existed beyond it. I didn’t understand religion in the South, but it made me think that I’d understand religion if I grew up there. I’m glad I didn’t grow up there. I prefer knowing that so much more exists outside of those vast, empty spaces. But, they were beautiful.
We bought a house. I feel very lucky to be able to have escaped renting. It took me about 10 years longer than it took my parents and wiped out the bank account in the process, but it was a very meaningful step. Buying and owning a home is an entirely new venture, and I’m clueless about it, but eager to learn.
I’ve yet to figure out my place here, but I’m more determined to find it now than I have been in years. I’m starting to understand the importance of a sense of purpose, which is, again, something I’ve neglected. Working at home is a blessing and a curse. And my work doesn’t seem like my purpose–maybe that’s part of the problem.
My first step towards this goal is giving less of a fuck. Having less of a filter. Less of an inhibition towards stepping out of my comfort zone to do or say something that I have the urge to do or say. To listen to more Run the Jewels, because that is the type of energy that motivates me to do those things.
I’ll end with that. I wouldn’t say this set really captures the spirit of this blather, but it captures the liveliness I want to have intrinsically. And I’m just really into RTJ right now.
Run the Jewels – Live at Austin City Limits – Austin, TX – 10/14/17
1. Talk to Me
2. Legend Has It
3. Blockbuster Night Part 1
4. Oh My Darling (Don’t Cry)
5. 36″ Chain
6. Stay Gold
7. Don’t Get Captured
8. Nobody Speak
9. Close Your Eyes (And Count to Fuck)
10. Report to the Shareholders / Kill Your Masters
11. Thursday in the Danger Room